Live a little… laugh a little…

Supposedly, these are things actually entered into patients’ hospital charts. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.


1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18.She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

~ ~ ~

I have one more day to work before I can relax, put my feet up, and take my hands off the keyboard, maybe read a book, maybe do some fall gardening, maybe make a cake! Whatever I choose to do each morning for 7 glorious mornings to come… all after tomorrow. It boggles my mind.




10 thoughts on “Live a little… laugh a little…

  1. Hey! Wait a dog gone minute!!
    “17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. ”
    Maybe I really don’t have thyroid disease! They’ve been feeling my neck all these years and they should have been squeezing my butt!! Who can I report this to!!?


  2. You are SO lucky! I don’t get a vacation, or holidays either, on this job. I’m not a happy camper, either. So enjoy a good lie-in in the mornings, a nice cuppa on the patio in the lovely fall weather, gardening, etc. for me too!


  3. I don’t doubt the chart funnies. I used to see some doozies.

    You are so lucky to have your days off coming up. I wish I could be there on the day you bake the cake. I see you blogged about Gustav. Personally, I am still reeling from Ike. I think the world must be turned upside down or something.

    I am ready for a bit of normalcy.


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